I F**KIN LOVE THIS SHOW

Celia Hodes: Really. I've recently stopped giving a shit what anyone thinks, and I gotta tell you, I feel great.
Shane Botwin: But you have cancer.
Celia Hodes: And you have a dead father. Both of us make people really uncomfortable. There's no way around it. So either we can feel all self-concious and pretend that everything's normal, or we can just be our strange selves.
Shane Botwin: Thanks, Mrs. Hodes.
Celia Hodes: For what?
Shane Botwin: For telling me the truth.
Celia Hodes: You're welcome. It's a bitch, though, ain't it?

Weeds, Season 1 Ep. 5

And today... a Poem... by someone else

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Beware the Ides of March

1. What are the Ides of March?
   

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ides_of_March
   

   
    

2. How does one celebrate the Ides of March?
   

   
    

   http://www.wikihow.com/Celebrate-the-Ides-of-March
   

 

1. Can I get a full copy of Shakespeare's Julius Cesar online?
   

   Why yes, yes you can.

Seriously?

My favorite food

1. Food from home (as in the Dominican Republic)

There is a restaurant here in Chicago that serves Dominican food called Punta Cana. It's great!

2. Thai food

Again, it involves rice... I love rice. White, no-nutritional value rice.

3. Italian food

Again, it involves carbs. White pasta... yummo.

I am (NOT) ok

This blog is a medium for me to vent about how I'm feeling to an almost too honest degree. This is not a cry for help, not something for any of you to freak out about or give me advice about or be insanely condescending to me about. Unless I die. Then it's ALL YOUR FAULT!! (jk)

I think that I am going crazy. Functionality has become a bit of a problem. My house is slowly filling with stuff. Showers are too hard. I shower because I have to. I cope because I have to. I take care of my child because I have to. What happens when I can't any more?

Depression is debilitating. Depression really does hurt (thank you drug company commercials!). I am tired and apathetic. I admit it. I ask God to hit me with a bolt of lightning. (Thunder, so I understand, would not be as effective.) God does not listen.

Religion, faith, prayer, meditation (if I were capable of it) do not work. I'm sure exercise would if I could work up the energy to get my ass out of the house. Tomas is getting take care of three times a week. God help him the other 4. No, I do better when he's here because I have to, though there is that tiny bit of resentment that if it weren't for him I could just stay in bed.

Maybe I just want to go crazy... isn't that crazy?

Tired

I had a mini melt down today. Ok, more than mini. And less than sober. Last time I wasn't sober was Sunday but I wasn't that unsober. Today I was the kind of unsober that is meant to numb but it numbed me the point of feeling so much I burst from my I'm ok bubble and I'm so horribly unok that I'm making up words.

My Bad Habits

I'm only giving you three (I think I only have three) but one of them is not true. You have to figure out which is which!

1. I bite my nails. I know, I know, a completely disgusting habit. I've tried quitting and have been mildly successful at it. My nails looks nice long. They also feel nice when I use them on someone else's back... I'm obsessing, I know.

2. I drink Coke. I know it's bad for me, and bad for the environment and that Coke is an evil corporation that funds terrorism in other parts of the world. AND that it can clean rust off a nail. I KNOW. Trust me, I know. I KNOW.

3. I pee outside the toilet bowl. I can't help myself. I just get too excited and hyper and end up missing every time. I've tried to be a good girl. And it makes me wonder how I'm going to toilet train my kid in 1 1/2 years.

Well...

Too post to drunk...

(Celebrity) Women I love

1. Before she married Tom Cruise, before really bad horror flicks, there was Dawson's Creek and Katie Holmes. I loved Katie Holmes. I had a serious crush on Katie Holmes. It still hurts that she dumped me for Tom Cruise. Really, what does he have that I don't?

2. I decided that Brad Pitt was my least favorite person when he dumped Jennifer Aniston, as I had a mild, protect her from evil men kind of crush on her. Not the I would die for her kind of crush, just I really think she's hot and would do her... once or twice kind of crush.

3. While I think she's evil and only deserves a one night stand, I can see myself becoming obsessed with Angelina Jolie. A little.

4. I know she's a little mannish, but Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser turns me on. I don't know if it's her arms (which, yes, they are big, but I want them!!) or her commanding, bitchy presence, or that fact that I want her to yell at me... but yes, I have a thing for Jillian Michaels.

Others that I wouldn't mind "meeting":
Danica Patrick, the woman who played Anne of Green Gables, when she was that young, Hermione... when she's older, Amanda Bynes.

A Biblical List

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
There is no law against such things.
Galatians 5:22-23

I try to remind myself that these are principles by which to live your life. But it is hard. The days get tiring. People become frustrating. Life seems impossible. But still days end and days begin. Life continues. And we must engage as best we can. Maybe I should lighten up.

Last three movies I've watched (or will watch)

1. Sydney White - This movie has Amanda Bynes in it and that is the only reason why I rented it. I think Amanda Bynes is funny (and hot! in a white chick sort of way). It was fun to watch and not the greatest movie in the world but it was a good time. Mind fluff is acceptable sometimes!

2. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Don't know how I felt about this. It was ok. Maybe I should have seen it in the theater?

3. Bad Education - Directed by Pedro Almodovar, one of the great Spanish directors. He directed one of my favorite movies, Talk to Her. I haven't actually seen it yet but I'll see it sometime this weekend.

The Men that I've dated

It's not that many or at least they will not all be included...

1. The Junior High Crush - He and I never really dated. We went steady for a month in 6th grade, then made out off and on all through high school. I was the girl he cheated on his girlfriends with. Yeah, I was THAT girl.

2. The High School Crush - He and I also never really dated. We just made out very heavily and almost... but never really and was the only guy to ever cut things off with me. He's the one "What if?" but if what if ever happened, I'd want to crush his heart into a million pieces. But I'm over it.

3. The Best Friend - I found out that the sex was HORRIBLE. I'm done.

4. The Soul Mate - But not. My first, his first. And then I became an evil bitch and dumped him. The End.

5. The Ex-Husband - Yeah... My ???, his first. And then I became an evil bitch and dumped him after three years of marriage, making me a more evil and devious bitch. The End.

6. The Baby-Daddy - Can anybody say rebound?

And who knows what the future may hold?

A List of Books

Since having a child I have not read much. But that does not mean that I do not TRY to read. So here is a list of books that I am TRYING to read for one reason or another:

1. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. - This is sure to be an Oprah's Book Club Book. I haven't even started it yet as a friend just loaned it to me but with this whole life in transition thing going on, I wanted to give this book a try.

2. Stages of Faith by James W. Fowler. - I'm taking a developmental psych class on adolescents and faith development is never talked about. I have to write a 5 to 7 pg. paper and I'm rereading some of this book for class.

3. The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. - I heard that this book is anti-God (as stated by the book's author) so I'm reading it to see what an extreme atheist's perspective is. I find that the traditional concept of God and Jesus that the Church has constructed should be challenged and who better to challenge then someone who does not believe at all! However, as I am not trying to convince atheists to believe in God, I would like the same courtesy.

4. The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregory. - I need some real fluff, right?

5. The Bible. - For a project

My Son's favorite words

I don't know that Tomas knows exactly what he's saying. He's a talker though!

1. Tope.

Tope is a game that we play where I say "tope, tope, tope..." and we bump heads and try to give each other concussions.

2. Mama

He does not know what this means. I assume it will stop being cute once he does figure out he can pretty much get me to do anything every time he says it.

3. Papa

I don't know why he says this other than a lot of the words I've been trying to teach him begin with "Pa".

4. Teta

Teta means breast in spanish. Teta means milk for Tomas. And I NEVER BREASTFED.

5. "A-du"

It either means "salud" (spanish version of bless you, when someone sneezes) or gracias (which means thank you in spanish). Maybe he uses them interchangeably.

Tomas is starting to repeat words more and more, not understandably most of the time but I'm sure that will change. I've been told I need to stop cursing in front of him. (Shit.)

My Guilty Pleasures

I have many guilty pleasures... and I will reveal them all to you right now...

1. Romance novels
I rarely read these anymore but I use to be an addict. I would read through one in 3 or 4 hours and I would re-read them whenever I couldn't afford to buy new books. I LOVED romance novels. These days, I find myself not as compulsive and not needing them quite as much.

2. Reality TV
I watch America's Next Top Model. I sometimes will go online to watch The Hills (which is NOT really REALITY!!). I am a huge fan of The Biggest Loser. I even sometimes get teary eyed watching Extreme Home Makeover. Mind you, those are tears of envy.

3. ... And sappy TV Drama...
Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl. Yes, I know. I watch too much TV. I also watch the L word on Netflix. I'm a girl. So sue me.

4. I learned Crank that Soldja' (sp?) Boy.
Enough said. - I am such a (not black) girl- If you have to look this up because you don't know what it is, you are too.

Isn't this enough exposure for one day?

Am I crazy or what?